Harry Potter & the Other Azkaban Story
by Fangalla Marie and Eppy the House Elf
Summary: COMPLETE! Azkaban Story. This is about how Harry was wrongly sent to Azkaban for killing Voldemort by corrupt Fudge. Now that he is out, how will he cope with the world again? How will his friends cope with a damaged Harry?
1. Chapter One

**Harry Potter & the Other Azkaban Story**

**Chapter One**

Harry Potter sat there in that cold, dark and dingy cell for how long; he no longer had any idea. He had long ago since stopped counting the days as he almost never saw the sun and was never certain if his count was accurate or not. Then again with Dementors swarming through his thoughts night and day and day and night, he had no idea no if his lucid moments were consistent or not. No, Harry Potter had long ago lost the capacity for any thought about time as he sat there all alone in that cold, dark and dingy cell, slowly loosing what was left of his mind.

However, Harry suddenly stiffened as a wave of horrible memories overwhelmed him. A Dementor must be passing by, however, that thought escaped Harry as he began to remember the day of his trial that sent him to this dark and lonely corner of hell that was so awful that even the devil himself dared not venture into it.

_Begin the wavy lines to indicate a flashback sequence_

"Harry James Potter," rang out the delighted voice of Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic, "You now stand before the court of the Ministry on charges of using unforgivable curses, particularly the killing curse."

"I'm not standing, I'm actually chained to a chair," replied Harry in a monotone.

Fudge ignored the comment and went on, "After reviewing the testimony of the eyewitnesses, it has been concluded that you have indeed used the curse in question and will be sent to Azkaban for remainder of your life for your crimes against our society."

"Cornelius, I must strongly object to this trial."

Minister Fudge looked away from Harry with a look of contempt on his face. "Dumbledore, what are you doing here? You were told that you were not allowed into this courtroom today, that your testimony was too biased for you to be a part of these proceedings."

"Yes," said the Headmaster with twinkling eyes, "I'm afraid that there are several unconscious Aurors lying outside the courtroom doors that may need some attention from a qualified nurse. However, I must once again state that I strongly object to this trial."

"Oh really," Fudge said with condescension in his voice, "Just why do you object to this legal and completely necessary trial?"

"Because the curse in question was used against Lord Voldemort, as you well know. Now Harry, as far as I know, has never denied using the curse, it was however, cast in the midst of battle in a life or death situation that ultimately saved the lives of hundreds of witches and wizards."

"Preposterous!" barked Fudge in anger. "You know as well as I do that was dark magic and dark magic is addictive. We could be looking at the next dark lord if I allow him to get away with using an unforgivable curse."

"The same unforgivable curse, I might add, that you yourself authorized the Aurors to use on Lord Voldemort or any known Death-Eater that they came across. Are any of them on trial for the use of that curse?" Dumbledore asked smoothly.

"They, unlike this … _boy_, are duly and trained professions in the employ of the Ministry of Magic."

"True, but Harry was accepted into the Auror Training Academy after he completed his N.E.W.T.'s and was already instructed in the use of many Auror techniques by qualified members of that same department, on your authorization."

Fudge fumed but blustered on, "Yes, authorization that you strong armed me into doing so he could learn to cast dark magic."

Dumbledore started to reply, but the Minister cut him.

"Everyone in favor of sending this boy to Azkaban, raise you hand."

The majority of the Wizangamout raised their hands to Fudge's glee.

Turning back to Harry, "Guards, take him away."

Harry was released from the chains on the chair as Dementors glided in and took him out of the courtroom.

_Wavy lines again to indicate the end of the flashback sequence_

Suddenly the memory ended as the Dementors left his cell. He looked up as he heard the faint cries of spells being cast in the distance. Another memory? Perhaps, but Harry found that he no longer cared enough to investigate. Instead he lay down on the grimy floor of the cell to try and sleep and wait until he was either fed or another Dementor came around to feed off of him.

However, Harry heard the sounds of footsteps and men talking to one another in raised voices.

"Professor Dumbledore, I find this highly irregular."

"As the Supreme Mugwump of the Wizengamout, it is within my power to take any prisoner from Azkaban that may or may not have pertinent information to give in any trial. We need Harry Potter to testify at this trial."

"Yes, sir, I understand that, but he hasn't spoken a word since he was brought here and I do not know if he is lucid enough to testify."

Dumbledore stopped in his tracks and Harry heard him say in a clear and bold tone, "Are you implying that you know more about the workings of the trial process more than I do? Are you suggesting that I leave a vital and important witness to the actions taken by the accused?"

"No, no sir, I am simply saying, he may not be the same person that he was when you last saw him."

"I understand, but I am certain that things will turn out alright."

The two men then continued walking towards Harry's cell and Harry heard the cell door open, but didn't look up from the floor. He simply didn't care enough to do so.

"Harry?" Dumbledore asked and received no reply. Harry heard him try again, "Harry, I've come to take you out of here. There is a trial that I need you to testify at and your testimony is rather crucial to the outcome of it. Can you please stand?"

Harry ignored him, as he wasn't certain if this was real or a delusion brought on by madness. He had heard many of the other prisoners talking to people who weren't there before. Was he starting to succumb to that madness now as they had before? He did not know, so it was better to not respond at all.

However, it seemed that Dumbledore was at a loss for time. "Harry I'm very sorry to do this, but I simply need to get you out of here quickly. Stupify."

Harry Potter's world went dark, not that there was much light in it to begin with.

x-x-x-x-x

"Enervate"

Harry blearily woke to find himself once again in the same court room that he was in when they convicted him and sent him to Azkaban.

"Harry can you hear me?"

Harry raised his head and looked up to find Albus Dumbledore standing before him looking at him with a great deal of concern in his eyes, but did not answer.

"Harry I know that you are confused, but we need you to give testimony today at this trial."

Harry involuntarily shuddered at the word 'trail.' Everyone in the court room noticed.

"No, Harry," Dumbledore said a gently as he could. "You are not on trial today, Cornelius Fudge is and we want you to testify to his crimes against you."

Harry looked over and saw that the now former Minister of Magic was sitting in a chair and had chains wrapped around him binding him tightly to it. It appeared that he was screaming about something, but no sounds were coming from his mouth.

"We had to put a silencing charm on him, I'm sad to say," Dumbledore said as he looked over to Fudge. Turning back to Harry, he said, "Do you think you can answer some questions for us today?"

Again Harry did not respond.

Dumbledore looked at him sadly and said, "I was afraid of that. I'm very sorry for this Harry." With that he tipped Harry's head back and opened his mouth. Harry didn't resist him as he let three drops of Veritiserum hit his tongue.

Harry sat there numbly for a few moments and heard someone far off in a distance ask him his name.

"Harry James Potter," he replied in a monotone. The first words he had spoken since he had been convicted and sent to Azkaban.

Harry then heard some far away person ask him his age.

"I don't know."

That voice asked how old he was when he was sentenced to Azkaban.

"I was eighteen years old."

Harry barely registered as several far away people talked to each other. Then a far off voice asked him to describe his relations with Cornelius Fudge and his undersecretary, Dolores Jane Umbridge.

Harry felt his mouth open and he began to describe every encounter he had ever had with the two people and Fudge in particular.

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later, Harry felt the fogginess leave him and he found that he was still sitting in the same chair in the courtroom, but the people were no longer speaking to him and he just sat there and watched the remainder of the trail.

"Cornelius Oswald Fudge," boomed the voice of Amelia Bones, "You are hereby sentenced to the next twenty years in Azkaban for your crimes against the Ministry."

Harry then watched as the former government head was dragged out of the court room by two Dementors, presumably on his way to Azkaban. Harry sat there and hoped that they didn't put him anywhere near his cell. He really didn't want to hear the foolish man wail and scream all night long.

"Mr. Potter?"

Harry ignored the person speaking and continued to watch Fudge being dragged away.

"Mr. Potter, can you hear me?"

Harry turned to look at the person speaking and found it to be the new Minister of Magic, Amelia Bones. He looked at her but didn't say anything.

"Did you hear what I said a moment ago Mr. Potter?" she asked kindly.

Harry blinked but said nothing.

Sighing, Minister Bones repeated herself again, "I said your conviction was overturned. You're free. You can go home now."

"Home?" asked Harry in a raspy voice.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_For those of you that are worried about my other Azkaban fiction, Harry Potter and the Azkaban Parody, I am still working on it, but I'm still trying to reconstruct my notes from my frazzled brain. So bear with me, while I get it going again, but this was in there also, so I thought I'd give you something to nibble on in the mean time and to get it out of my head._


	2. Chapter Two

_For some reason the author alert wasn't working this morning when I posted chapter one of this new story, so please go back and read it from the beginning. Thanks, Marie._

**Chapter Two**

"Home?" asked Harry in a raspy voice.

"Yes Harry," Dumbledore said. "It's time for you to come home now."

Harry looked blankly at them and attempted to stand up, but instead he fell to the floor, his legs crumpling up underneath him.

Both Amelia Bones and Albus Dumbledore swooped down to each claim one of his arms to help him back up. Harry didn't know what to make of this; however, he was able to stand up on his own once he was back on his feet.

"Albus?" began Minister Bones, "Does he have a place to call home?"

"Arthur and Molly Weasley have insisted that Harry come and stay with them until he is better," the Headmaster replied. "I believe that they are waiting for him now up in the atrium, along with some of his friends trying to keep the reporters at bay."

Minister Bones snorted, "Good luck to them."

Albus Dumbledore merely smiled.

"Home," muttered Harry quietly under his breath as he began to walk away from the two making his way into the corridor, which was vacant of people. Harry began walking in no particular direction until he finally came up to the atrium, which had several different fireplaces in it for floo travel.

Off to one side Harry saw a group of people with bright red hair and vaguely remembering that maybe he knew some people who fit that description, but he couldn't remember very well at the moment. Of course, before he could give himself anytime to think about it, he was mobbed by a group of reporters that suddenly appeared all around him.

"Mister Potter, how do you feel after being released from prison?" asked one of the reporters.

"Do you feel relieved after suffering at the former minister's hands?" asked another.

"How does it feel to have revenge Harry?" asked Rita Skeeter from the middle of the crowd.

Harry said nothing as he covered his face from the light of the flashbulbs that were hurting his eyes. He had spent time in that cold, dark and dingy cell with very little light and the flashes were really hurting him.

"Back! Get back you pack of gossip hungry vultures!" growled Alastor Moody who had seen Harry emerge from the lower court room and followed him discreetly. "Let him out, now!"

"But we want an interview for the paper," Harry heard one of them whine.

Other members of the Order of the Phoenix noticed what was happening and went over to help Alastor keep the reporters at bay from Harry.

"WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING?" bellowed Mrs. Weasley as she ran towards them. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

However, many of the reporters ignored her until she started hitting him with her handbag.

"Hey lady, stop it," one of them said.

"You'll get a press release when Potter decides to give you one," growled Moody loader than before.

Somehow in the all of the confusion with the reporters, Harry was able to get away from it all and scampered unknowingly towards the bank of fireplaces that he had seen before. Looking around Harry saw an old wizard with what looked like a large pot of floo powder at a large desk near the floo connection. Harry wandered over to investigate.

"Looking to floo somewhere Mister Potter?" asked a kindly looking older wizard.

Bewildered Harry started to pad his prison robes looking for a coin to hand over for the powder. Finding none, he started to walk away slowly. It didn't matter anyway, it was all a delusion and he was really asleep in his dingy dirty little cell back in Azkaban anyway.

"It's alright Mister Potter, you can go free this one time. Do you know where you want to go?"

"Home," whispered Harry.

"That sounds like a very good idea. Do you know the floo address for your home?"

Harry nodded.

"Go ahead son, it's alright, I promise," the older wizard said encouragingly.

Harry looked confused and wizard realized what was wrong and picked up the pot of floo powder and took the lid off for Harry to grab some of it. With his handful of powder, Harry walked over the fireplace and threw it into the flames, which immediately turned green.

Taking a deep breath, Harry looked for his bravery, this was after all a very detailed delusion. He wondered if they were all going to be like this. It really didn't matter in the end.

So Harry stepped into them and called out for the one place he knew to be his home.

"Azkaban."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_I know this is a very short chapter and it's not much of a parody, but I needed to set up a few details before I really get into it._


	3. Chapter Three

_I'm home sick today and I'd actually do something other than lay around like I'm dying._

**Chapter Three**

"Mister Potter?"

Harry slowly opened his eyes and quickly found that he was somewhere where he wasn't supposed to be. The walls were white and the place smelled clean. The delusions were still there. It was official, he was going mad and nothing was going to stop it apparently.

"Mister Potter? Can you hear me?"

Of course Harry could hear her. She was delusion in his mind after all. Harry looked up at her and thought that he should know her, but her name escaped him at the moment. It didn't matter anyway; this wasn't really her, whatever her name is.

"How is he doing Poppy?" asked a voice Harry could hear, but couldn't see who was talking.

The woman turned away from him and answered the voice. "He's awake now Albus, but he isn't responding to my questions."

"I feared as much. That was the behavior he was exhibiting at Cornelius' trial."

If Harry was in his right mind, he would have been so annoyed at them for talking about him as if he weren't there, but then again they weren't really there, so he guessed that they were even.

"Harry, do you think you can answer some questions for me?" asked Albus Dumbledore as he came into Harry's line of sight. "Why did you go to Azkaban yesterday? I told you that you would be going home."

"Home?" rasped Harry. "Go home?"

"Yes, Harry," the Headmaster said gently, "You are home now."

"No, Azkaban."

Albus Dumbledore sat down in the vacant chair beside Harry's bed wearily and squeezed his eyes shut as he rubbed his hand over his face.

"No, Harry, Azkaban is not your home. Azkaban is a prison and a dark place. Home is a happy place where people who love you are waiting for you."

"No."

"Yes, Harry, home is a good place."

Yep, that concludes it, this is a delusion. There is no way the Dursleys would ever love Harry and both he and the real Dumbledore knew it. Definitely a delusion and the Dementors must be eating this up.

"Dementors," muttered Harry.

"There are no Dementors in the castle Harry. I promise you they aren't here to harm you ever again."

Harry would have snorted if this wasn't a delusion, Dementors are everywhere. They glide through the prison like lice and they are lurking in the darkness both in the corridors and in the dark corners of his own mind. Harry knew that he must not hope, that would only attract more of them.

So Harry turned away from the Headmaster and really concentrated on how he came to be here. Well, that was obvious, he wasn't really here, but since he was stuck in this living dream, he might as well figure it out. If for no other reason than to have something to do.

_Begin the wavy lines to indicate a flashback sequence_

So Harry stepped into the green flames and called out for the one place he knew to be his home, "Azkaban."

Harry felt the sensation of tumbling past fireplace after fireplace and eventually he landed in a thump and fell out of a fireplace in a dark and closed up room. He had ended up in the office of the Warden of Azkaban, the office was empty, Harry assumed that the people who worked here had simply gone home for the day, and so he made his way through the office area of the prison and started to seek out his cell. It was the only place he knew as his home anymore.

Having never ventured outside his cell in the entire time he was in the prison, Harry had no idea where to begin looking. So looked both ways in the corridor, which looked the same both ways he looked and took in one direction thinking that eventually, he would find his cell, if he looked long enough.

As Harry searched, he didn't realize it but he hadn't encountered any Dementors. I mean this is Azkaban prison after all, should it be crawling with the fowl beasts? However, that was not what was on Harry's mind at that moment. All he wanted was to find his cell. All he wanted was to go home.

After several hours of searching and encountering no other prisoners or Dementors, Harry was becoming very tired. He had not yet eaten today and what little he did have from the day before was used up in his search. So Harry eventually took refuge in an old dirty cell with some old straw in the corner and promptly entered it and fell to the floor. He crawled over and lay down on the straw covered floor and as weariness overtook him, he closed his eyes and fell to sleep.

Maybe when he woke up, this delusion would all just be a fading memory.

_Wavy lines again to indicate the end of the flashback sequence_

While Harry was pondering his own thoughts, he failed to hear the opening of the doors into the infirmary. Nor did he hear the sounds of several people coming into the ward.

"Albus?" a different woman asked, "How is he?"

"I'm afraid that he isn't well at the moment Molly."

"Do you think it would be alright to take him back to the Burrow with us?"

"Not at present, I would like it if Poppy were able to give him some nutrition potions and perhaps a few muscle regeneration potions first. He's been through quite an ordeal."

They were doing it again, talking about him like he wasn't there. He was there and Harry turned back over to see who was talking about him. Then again, they were all just figments of his imagination, so why was he getting annoyed about it really?

"Harry, dear?"

Harry didn't respond to the red headed woman. She looked worried and then turned back to Dumbledore. He knew her. She was kind. Yes, that's right she was kind to him. She fed him good food. What was her name again? Mum, was her name Mum? That didn't seem right, but it felt right. Oh well, its all part of the delusion so don't worry about it.

Before Harry could think anymore about it two new faces appeared before him. One was a tall man with freckles and red hair and the other was a short woman with bushy brown hair. He knew these two. They were his friends, they were his family. Harry loved them and that brought about a sense of hope in the middle of his chest. However, he quickly remembered that hope and happiness brought the Dementors to him very quickly.

"Harry?" the red headed man said.

"No," Harry muttered. "Go away. Dementors … coming."

"Harry the Dementors aren't coming. You are not in Azkaban anymore; you're here with us at Hogwarts," said the bushy haired woman. But she was wrong, Dementors always come.

Harry didn't respond, instead he closed his eyes tightly and pushed down the happiness he was feeling, so the Dementors wouldn't come and find him and take it all away again.

"Professor?"

"I believe that Harry thinks he is still in Azkaban," Harry heard Dumbledore say. Well of course he was still in Azkaban, where else was there for him to be? The delusion of Dumbledore continued, "I also believe that he thinks this is either a trick or a delusion his own mind has created. I think Harry believes he has gone mad."

"Has he?" the red headed man asked.

"I don't know."

Well of course he went mad, that what people do in Azkaban after all. Does no one read the brochures for the place? It's what it's known for.

"Is there nothing we can do for him?" the bushy haired woman asked again.

Wait, her name, it's Herman. No, that's not it; Herman is a man's name. Maybe the skinny man with red hair is named Herman. No, that wasn't right either. Delusions are so confusing. Guess that's why they're delusions, if they made sense then it wouldn't be a delusion.

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this," Dumbledore said wearily. "I was hoping that he would come back on his own."

"Do what?" the older red headed woman asked.

Dumbledore took out his wand and pointed it at Harry and chanted, "Legimens."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review


	4. Chapter Four

_Because Logi demanded it…_

**Chapter Four**

Albus Dumbledore sat down heavily in the chair and looked exhausted.

"Professor, what did you see in Harry's mind," Herman asked. Harry still didn't think that sounded right, a girl named Herman. Then again who was he to judge, his name was Harry. It was wasn't it? Well of course his name was Harry; it says so in the title.

"Was it awful?" the red headed man with freckles asked.

"No, Mr. Weasley, it wasn't. I wish it were though."

Harry looked at him oddly. What was he talking about? All he did was point that stick thing in his face and say a strange word and then sit back down. Why was he looking like that, he didn't do anything. Like that would be exhausting, even Harry could do that.

"What do you mean?" asked Herman again. She was really nosey for a girl with a funny name.

"There are no thoughts on his mind presently."

Stupid delusion wouldn't know a thought if it came up and kicked it in the arse. Harry did too have thoughts on his mind. He was having them now wasn't he? Wait maybe he wasn't, maybe this is all part of the delusion too. Shit.

"He's in shock? Right?" the red headed man asked stupidly. Yeah that seems right about him.

"I do not believe so Mr. Weasley. He simply has no thoughts in his mind at all."

"Could he be blocking you Professor?" asked Herman in a know-it-all fashion. You know that seemed right about Herman, a know-it-all. "You and Professor Snape did teach him to repel people from his mind without a second thought when Voldemort was still alive."

Voldemort, now that name sounded familiar? Should he have known that name? Why did that red headed man flinch at the sound of the name and why was Harry annoyed by it?

"It is possible Miss Granger, but alas, I highly doubt that he would have the mental fortitude after what he had been through with the prison and its guards."

"Dementors," muttered Harry darkly. Hello, of course he knew who guarded the prison. They have their pictures on the cover of the brochure that they obviously didn't read. These people really need to get out more often.

"Yes, Harry, Dementors," the Headmaster said sadly.

"Is there anything we can do for him Professor?" Herman asked with tears forming in her eyes.

Harry looked at her oddly, why was she crying? Must be because she had a very odd name. That would make him cry too if his name was Herman. Harry was much better than Herman.

"Hopefully, with enough rest here at the school and his friends near him, he will recover. Until then we can only assume that Harry has crawled up into his own mind due to the influence of the constant presence of the Dementors."

"Dementors," repeated Harry.

Apparently this small statement upset Herman even more and she ran over the tall red headed man and sobbed into his chest, causing him to wrap his arms around her protectively.

Harry arched an eyebrow at them. Now that was interesting, but it was probably a by product of this delusion that he was currently experiencing. Harry wondered if he would different kind of delusions in the future.

x-x-x-x-x

Several hours later, Harry barely heard someone entering the hospital wing while he slept peacefully for the first time in what he could remember. Well that was one thing this delusion had going for it.

"Harry, wake up."

Harry refused to open his eyes. He was asleep and the delusions were back and they wouldn't go away. Harry thought that if he just ignored them that maybe they would go away. He didn't want to end up talking to people that weren't really there. It would better if he just died.

However, he then felt someone tugging at his shoulder. "Harry, come on now, you need to wake up."

Harry shrugged the hand off and rolled over under his covers and tried to sleep again. Sleep was a good thing. Sleep was a peaceful thing.

"Harry, it's time for you to eat something," the voice said kindly.

"Food?" asked Harry blearily. Okay this was it, it is official, and he was in the land of the loony people. Never would someone come to him and tell him it was time to eat. Usually a guard would come by and fill his plate and then move on with no fanfare. Not that this was fanfare, just a gentle hand offering food.

Was it possible for him to taste food from a delusion? Everything probably tastes like chicken.

"That's right Harry; I have food here for you to eat."

Harry forced his eyes open and found the red headed woman again. Mum? Was that her name? What an odd name for someone to have. Mum? It doesn't matter; maybe Susie would be a good name for her.

"Susie?"

Molly Weasley looked at him oddly. "I don't know who Susie is Harry."

"Food?"

"Yes, I have food," Mrs. Weasley said placating, "now why don't you sit up so you can eat it better?"

However, it seemed that Harry had other ideas. Instead of sitting up, Harry grabbed something from the tray and began eating it while looking at her as if she would take it from him. She's not getting his food.

"Harry, it's alright, this is all for you. You don't need to gulp it down like that."

Harry continued to stare at her as he horded his food as best he could. He even went so far as to try and hide food under his blankets for later, like he did when he was a child at the Dursley's and they wouldn't feed enough and he had to hide food to have later. It didn't take him long before he cleared off the tray of food, which was amazingly good considering it was all delusion food and not real.

"Would you like some more?" asked Mrs. Weasley in a motherly fashion. However, Harry continued to stare at her and didn't answer. Mrs. Weasley smiled at him and said, "Here let me trade this tray for another and you can have some more."

"Trade?"

"Yes, Harry, that's right," she said hoping that he was understanding what was going on around him finally. "I'll just trade this tray for another and you can have some more food." Smiling she took the tray away and left the hospital wing heading towards the kitchens.

Stupid delusion would have to bring the trade into this. Harry had hoped to forget about his trade agreement with one the human guards of the prison, but it seems that was going to be brought into this new reality as well. So with a sour look on his face, Harry got out of bed and on shaky legs walked into Madam Pomphrey's office and went directly to the fireplace. After a few moments of searching, Harry found a small pot of floo powder and taking a small handful out, he steps into the fireplace.

"Azkaban."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_I know that this chapter is short, but if I had continued on, then you wouldn't have anything to look forward too in the next chapter._


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Harry walked the corridor of the dreaded prison searching for the human guard he normally traded with for extra food. As much as he hated being back in reality, he was glad that the delusion was over with. At least for now.

"Potter, what are you doing here?" asked one of the two human guards that normally fed the prisoners.

Harry stopped and backed up towards the wall away from the two men. He had no idea how he had gotten out of his cell nor did he really know where it was, but he wasn't about to admit that.

"Food," Harry said, almost timidly. "Trade."

"Potter, you've been freed. You don't need to keep coming back here," one of the two men said to Harry.

The other man, however, smirked and said, "Keep quiet Kendall, Potter here wants to trade. I say we let him."

"Benson, you know full well we can't do that. It's bad enough that you do it with the prisoners that are here for life, but this kid is a free man now."

"That's right and he came here by his own choice, so be quiet." Then turning from his companion to face Harry, the guard says, "Come on Potter, I know of a quiet place where we can trade. Just like old times."

"Benson, you know that the warden will have a fit. Not to mention what Dumbledore will do when he finds out," Kendall said to the man.

However, Benson and Harry ignored him and went into a dark room to trade leaving the younger guard to run down the hall.

x-x-x-x-x

"That's it Potter, you remember how to do it."

Well of course he knew how to do it. Any moron with half a brain could do this; all you really needed was a lot of spit and some patience. It's not like brain surgery or anything complicated.

"Oh yeah."

Well at least it won't be long now. Then Harry could have more food. That's been the deal since he got there, however long ago that was. It took Harry awhile before he got hungry enough to do it, but really it wasn't so bad as compared to some other things he'd been through in his short life.

However, before anything could be … completed as it were, the door of the room Harry and Benson were in blew open revealing the prison warden, Kendall, Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and lastly and most unpleasantly Professor Snape.

Oh great, the delusions are back again. That's just what Harry needed, well not really. He hadn't received his portion of the trade yet and he really didn't need some damned delusion getting in the middle of it. Maybe if he ignored them, he would get his food without much fuss and went back to what he was doing.

"What, if I may ask, is going on in here?" Professor Dumbledore asked in a commanding and yet very dangerous voice.

"What do you mean sir," Benson asked timidly with his trousers down around his ankles.

Harry stopped what he was doing and looked up. Why was this guard talking to his delusions? Was a guard a delusion also? No, that wasn't right, this part seemed so real. So how is he able to see the delusions also?

"What does he mean?" asked the woman curtly. Harry felt that he should have known her also. She was a thin woman with black hair pulled back into a tight bun. She had something to do with his house. Maybe she had been his housekeeper. No, that wasn't right. She continued, "I would think that the question was amazingly simple to comprehend Benson, even though you were a bit slow in your lessons and haven't seemed to improve any."

"Mister Benson," the warden spoke up now. Harry knew who this man was, he had been making rounds a couple of times and Harry had seen him. "Can you imagine my surprise when Mister Kendall came up to my office just now to inform me of this … **_trade_**," he said with displeasure, "you have going on with this young man?"

"Well, he's known about it for some time now," Benson said as he shoved Harry to the floor and pulled his trousers back up again. "Why is this time any different?"

The greasy haired man who was standing beside Dumbledore looked like all his Christmases had come early as he stared down at Harry. Harry felt an instant hatred towards this man, whoever, he was. Something inside him seemed to move suddenly as if something was clicking into place. He **_DID NOT WANT_** this greasy man to see him like that. Something about it made Harry feel ashamed, but he didn't know why.

Dumbledore, however, was looking more angry and dangerous than anyone had ever seen him before. "This time, Mister Benson, or any other time for that matter, should not have happened. You have been employed here by the Ministry of Magic, to both guard and see to the nutritional needs of the inmates of this island. NOT to withhold food and then use it as a bargaining chip for your own purposes."

At this point the woman Harry thought might have been his housekeeper walked over to him and said, "Come on now Potter, it's time we were returning to the castle."

However, Harry was having none of it. "No."

Stunned, she asked, "What?" Everyone else in the room looked at Harry also.

"No," he replied. "Did trade. Food. Promised."

The woman looked over at the others, as if looking for something to help her. The warden and Kendall looked sadly back at them, while that greasy haired man smirked.

"Harry," the delusion of Dumbledore said, "I want you to return to Hogwarts with Minerva and you can have all the food you would like. Severus and I have something to do here and we will join you shortly."

"No," Harry said again. "Trade."

The older wizard sighed and felt a tugging at his robes. Dumbledore looked down and Harry followed his gaze to find a small house elf wearing a little pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem.

"Eppy is thinking that you's should be taking Master Harry home. Eppy can be dealing with bad wizard."

"Home now," muttered Harry. This delusion was getting more delusional by the minute. House elves did NOT dress like this.

However, the house elf heard him and said with tears in her round eyes, "No Master Harry you's is not being home. Home is being where people who love you are and you's is going there you's is. You's is being freed and you's is needing resting and remembering you's is and it is being real!"

"Real?"

"Yes, Master Harry," the elf replied. Then turning back to the Headmaster she continued, "Eppy has been watching and knowing that you's is not being bad to Master Harry and that is the only reason Eppy is letting you's take him home."

Dumbledore started to say something, but Eppy cut him off. "Don't you's being worrying," she said as glanced over to the prison guard with a look that would have put any Slytherin to shame, "Eppy is dealing with him."

"Well, now that's been settled," McGonagall said to Dumbledore, "let's get him back to the castle."

"Real?"

"That's right Potter, this is all real," she said to him as she guided him out of the room.

"Real?" he asked again, but mostly to himself. No this can't be real. If it were real then that meant that there were no Dementors in Hogwarts to worry about, but they were everywhere. So this couldn't be real.

Once everyone was back in the corridor, Dumbledore closed the door to the dark room, leaving Benson alone with the young elf.

"Harry," he said as he looked into Harry's eyes, "I know that you are feeling quite a bit right now, but we do need to get you away from this place for your own safety."

Harry tried to look away from the older wizard but couldn't for some reason. Was he doing that thing again where he just stared at people? Harry hoped he wasn't, he knew it would irritate him if he did and then said he wasn't thinking anything again, delusion or not.

"No, Harry, I know that you are thinking this time. I'm sorry I said that you weren't before, but you seemed to have been successful in evading me."

Harry said nothing as the group distinctly heard a whip crack and then Benson screaming.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

Later in the day, Harry, who was once again snug in a bed in the hospital wing of Hogwarts, was still pondering whether or not this was a delusion. It had to be after all, there was no way Fudge would ever let him out of Azkaban, but then again, didn't Harry witnessed Fudge being sentenced to Azkaban himself? Had that part been real also? Had that red-headed woman been his mum? She acted like one towards him, maybe she was. Harry was very confused. Harry rolled over and tried to get some sleep. He liked it best when he was asleep, that's when he didn't have to think about anything.

Harry had been asleep only a short time when he felt someone shaking his shoulder trying to wake him up.

"Harry."

Once again Harry tried to ignore the person speaking to him and rolled over in his bed.

"Harry," the voice said again kindly. "I need you to wake up for me."

Harry blinked open his eye blearily as he sat up in bed to see that the delusion of Professor Dumbledore was there smiling at him. Was it a delusion or was he real? Over his shoulder he saw Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape standing behind the headmaster. The witch looked at him with concern in her eyes and the greasy haired man was smirking at him as if ready with several scathing remarks.

"Harry, do you remember what happened earlier today?"

"Real?"

"Yes, Potter," drawled the greasy haired man still smirking. "This is definitely real."

Harry frowned and lay back down and pulled the covers up over his head. This had to be a delusion because there was no way in hell he would allow that man to know about the trade he had with Benson.

"Severus!" scolded the witch Harry thought might be his housekeeper. "Try to not be a complete bastard today if you please."

"You're all coddling the boy too much," he replied. "What he needs is to be dragged out of that bed and given a good dose of electro-shock spells. That will give him the incentive to understand that he is not in a delusion."

"That is enough Severus," Dumbledore said commandingly.

Harry had listened to this from under his covers. Why wouldn't they all just go away and let him sleep? It wasn't like he was doing anything wrong. He was sleepy and wanted to sleep. Well, that's what he told himself anyway.

"Harry, I would very much like it if you came out from under the covers so I could speak with you."

Harry shook his head 'no,' there was no way he was going to come out if this was real. A delusion of Snape was bad enough, but the real one was not be dealt with.

"Enough of this," smirked the potions master and unknown to Harry, drew out his wand and said, "Evanesco." This caused Harry's warm and snug blanket to disappear.

"Severus!" barked Professor McGonagall.

Harry lay there feeling very naked and exposed, even though he still had his hospital pajamas on.

"Severus was that really necessary?" asked the Headmaster.

"Apparently," said Snape, "since Potter refused to act his age."

"You didn't give him a chance," McGonagall said to him.

"Perhaps it would be best if the two of you left us alone, so we can talk privately," Dumbledore said diplomatically and Harry was happy to see the greasy teacher leave the room.

"Albus?"

Sighing, the delusion of Dumbledore replied, "We'll be fine Minerva, I promise you."

With a nod the witch followed the greasy haired man out of the ward.

"Now that we have some privacy, I do want to talk to you Harry."

Harry rolled over again and covered his face with his hands and shook his head 'no.'

Harry felt a hand on his shoulder and heard the older wizard say, "There is no shame in what you did. You did what you had to in order to survive. You succeeded where many others would have failed and perished, but you did not and for that I am eternally grateful."

"Not real."

"Yes, I am afraid that this is indeed real Harry."

"Elf not real," Harry said from behind his hands.

With a chuckle in his voice, the Headmaster replied, "Yes, I will agree with you there. That house-elf was not what you would call a typical servant. However, she did seem genuinely concerned for your well being."

"Not real."

"Well, real or not, the warden of Azkaban just fire called me before I came down here. They were finally able to open that door to the room…"

Harry shuddered at the mention of where they found him and felt shame at being discovered.

"…where Mr. Benson had taken you. It seems they found him hanging naked with several whip marks on his back and seemed to have had a Muggle devise known as a neck massager wedged firmly in his anus. One does wonder how that managed to get there."

"Elf not real, this not real."

"Yes, Harry this is real and I assure you that elf was real also. If it hadn't been for her, I don't know what I would have done to Mr. Benson myself," admitted Dumbledore, who was smoothing Harry's hair gently.

Harry seemed to relax a little under Dumbledore's gentle touch.

"That's it my boy, come back to us. We need you to come back. We all miss you terribly."

Harry felt tears welling up in his eyes. This can not be real! It just couldn't. He didn't want anyone to know his shame. He didn't want everyone to look at him differently for allowing himself to bargain that way to gain more food, when he was so hungry.

"No one will blame you for what you did Harry."

"Snape."

"Severus does not blame you."

Harry moved his fingers and allowed one of his eyes to peer out at the Headmaster and snorted.

"He doesn't blame you, though I will admit that he would more than happy to announce it to the public at large."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut and felt the tears fall down his cheeks under his hands.

"It will get better Harry, I promise you that."

Harry didn't respond. Why couldn't this have all been a delusion after all?

Dumbledore stood from his chair and conjured another warm and snuggly blanket for Harry to cover up with. This one was scarlet and had little golden snitches that moved all over the surface.

"No."

"Harry?"

"Never better. Should be dead."

"No, Harry, you should be alive. You will get better I promise you. I'll help and I know that the Weasleys are dying to see you again."

"Susie?"

"I don't know who Susie is Harry."

"Herman?"

"Herman," Dumbledore muttered trying to figure out who that was. "By chance do you mean Miss Granger?"

Harry just gave Dumbledore an odd look from behind his hands.

"Is Herman a young lady with bushy brown hair who is quite intelligent?"

Harry nodded 'yes.'

The twinkle returned to the Headmaster's eyes, "I think I'll allow her to help you pronounce her name again."

With that Dumbledore turned and left the hospital wing as well.

x-x-x-x-x

Several hours later as Harry was sleeping in the darkened ward, he was slightly aroused when a little creature popped into the room and walked over to him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Or perhaps it was a dream of some kind.

Which ever it was he knew he heard the words, "Eppy is loving you Master Harry."

Either way Harry fell into a deep and comforting sleep. The first one he had since going to Azkaban.

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

The next morning Harry woke up to find someone new sitting by his bed reading a book. This person had blonde hair and a pointed chin and looked up from the book and smirked at him.

"Well, look who's finally awake?" he drawled silkily.

Harry stared at this intruder and knew he should know this person, but for the life of him he couldn't seem to remember his name. Unless, of course, someone's name could be 'arsehole', can body parts also be proper names? However, Harry said nothing.

"I see Severus was right, you seem to have become mute in your old age. I suppose it must have something to do with living your life on your knees for so long. You must have damaged your vocal cords."

Still Harry said nothing.

"I told you I'd get you back for what you did too my father," Malfoy said nastily.

Harry shook his head and rolled over.

"I'm talking to you Potter," demanded Malfoy, "you will respond to me."

Harry snuggled back down into his scarlet blanket and pretended to go back to sleep. Even though he couldn't remember this person very well, pissing him off was enjoyable.

"Mister Malfoy," Madame Pomfrey said bruskly as she entered the ward. "I would thank you to not yell at my patients."

"I wasn't yelling Pomfrey," Malfoy lied smoothly. "I was informed that Potter wasn't speaking and I merely thought that his hearing might be impaired."

"I'm sure," she replied skeptically. "Mister Potter, since you are awake, please sit up so you can have your breakfast."

Harry ignored her, still in denial that this was real. He really didn't want this to be real. Now Snape told Malfoy… that's his name, Malfoy… wonder who else he told. Probably in the paper this morning, so all of the wizarding world could know his shame about what he had to do in order to eat.

"Mister Potter?"

"I told you he was deaf," snorted Malfoy.

What was old ferret face doing here anyway? Doesn't he have a life with a wife and some snot nosed little brat by now tucked away with seven or eight pureblood mistresses on the side? Shouldn't he be out poking one of them or whispering sweet nothings into the current Minister of Magic's ear?

Harry turned back over and looked at her.

"It's time to eat Mister Potter," she repeated.

"Yeah, maybe you'll get lucky and he'll trade you for it."

Harry flopped back into his pillow and pulled the covers back over his head.

"Mister Malfoy," barked the school nurse and even though Harry couldn't see it, she pointed towards the doors and continued, "I would thank you to remove your self from my infirmary this instant."

"Whatever."

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later Harry felt a hand on his shoulder trying to wake him up again. Why were they constantly trying to wake him, didn't they know all he wanted to do was sleep? I mean come one, if Harry slept all the time then he could pretend he still thought this was all a delusion and not real.

"Harry you've got to wake up and eat something. You didn't eat your breakfast and Madame Pomfrey isn't too happy about it."

Harry shrugged the hand off and burrowed back under his covers and tried to sleep again.

"What are we going to do?" Harry heard someone ask. Was it Herman? Susie? Maybe that odd little house elf with the pink dress?

Harry felt the covers being pulled back and heard a man say, "Peek-a-boo, I see you." He popped an eye open and saw that it was the red haired man with freckles looking down at him. Merlin, he was really annoying right now, but somehow that seemed right about him.

"He's got one eye open, let's try for the other," the red haired man said with a grin.

"Ron," Herman admonished, "Don't pick on him."

"I'm not picking, just grinning."

"Please don't fight with Herman," Harry said blearily and speaking his first complete sentence since getting out of prison.

"Herman?" Ron asked. "Did you just call her Herman?"

Sitting on the bed she turned Harry to her causing him to pop his other eye open. Handing him his glasses she looks at him carefully said, "Harry my name is Hermione. HER-MY-OH-KNEE."

"Herman."

Ron snorted in laughter.

Not being able to keep from rolling her eyes, Herman said again, "No, Harry, Hermione. HER-MY-OH-KNEE."

"I think I like Herman better," Ron said with a grin.

She shot him a glare before returning to Harry. "Do you think you can say my name correctly?"

Harry nodded and said, "Herman"

Ron almost doubled over laughing.

"Well at least you've got the first four letters right," she muttered and then asked, "What's his name?"

"Won-won."

Hermione laughed as Ron scowled. Turn about was fair play.

"Alright it's time for you to eat."

Harry shook his head and lay back down. "Not hungry."

"Harry, you've got to eat," she said sternly.

Was she crazy? He didn't want to eat. Eating made him remember the trade and that made him remember being caught by that greasy haired man with the permanent smirk.

"Ferret."

Ron and Hermione shot a look to each other. Ron answered, "Yeah, mate, we heard about that. We had no idea that Malfoy had come to see you. We didn't even know he was in the castle until we saw him talking to Snape a little while ago."

"Did he say something to upset you Harry?" asked Herman tentatively.

Harry shook his head and somehow managed to get out of bed and walked to the window of the infirmary and sat down in the squishy chair that Dumbledore had conjured the day before. Taking a deep breath, Harry sighed and began to look out of the window.

"Harry?"

No answer.

"Harry?"

Getting angry Won-won said, "Mate if he did something too you, you just tell me and I'll go and find him."

"Ron! Don't be ridiculous. If he had done something to Harry, Madame Pomfrey would have known about it this morning."

"Hermione," Won-won whined.

"How long?" asked Harry effectively stopping both of his best friends immediately.

"Well it was this morning and you slept for another two or three hours," Won-won answered hoping that was what he meant.

Harry sighed again. Delusions were not as exhausting as real life. Maybe he should go back to them again.

"Azkaban."

"Well, you see Harry," Herman began, "It's like this …"

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

"Well, you see Harry," Herman began, "It's like this …"

Harry turned to look at her when she didn't finish her sentence. The pause had been quite foreboding.

"How long?"

"Is that really important to know mate?" Won-won asked. "I mean you're out of there now and that's all that really matters. Soon you'll be out of here and mum and dad said you can come and stay at the Burrow and she'll fatten you up in next to no time at all."

"Susie?"

Won-won and Herman looked at each other again.

"Mate, who's Susie?"

"Do you want to talk to Susan Bones?"

Harry sighed again and returned to look out of the window. Maybe there was some drug or a potion out there that could take him back to his delusions, as they were making a lot more sense than these two were right now and lets face facts they were also far more entertaining as well, at least for Harry anyway.

"How long?" asked Harry again with a sigh as he continued to stare out of the window. Did he really want to know this? Perhaps he could pretend to once again be in the delusion and then everyone would leave him alone. That wouldn't be so bad.

Herman and Won-won looked at each other.

"It doesn't matter how long you were there, all that matters is that you're back with us and that we love you no matter what," Herman said trying to avoid answering the question.

"Yeah, Harry it doesn't matter at all," Won-won agreed quickly.

Finally realizing that he wasn't going to be getting any answers from these two, Harry settles back into the comfy chair and attempts to feign sleep.

"Oh no you don't Harry," Herman said sternly. "You need to eat and we're not letting you go to sleep again until you eat something."

"Yeah mate, you need to eat because there's a certain someone who is dying to see you," Won-won said in sing song manner.

Harry opened his eyes to look at them. "Who?"

"Someone important to you mate. Someone who might even be the most important person in the world to you."

Okay, its official, Won-won is an arse.

"Marietsy?"

"Who?" asked Herman and Won-won together.

Okay, not here then. "Fangalla Marie?"

Again the two looked confused. Wrong name again, well that's two down.

"S'Tar Kan?"

"Harry," Herman said gently, "We don't know who you are talking about. These names don't mean much to us. Are these people you know?"

Well of course Harry knew of these people. How would he know there names if he hadn't at least heard of them before. Hello, he wasn't that delusional you know. Though he wished he was.

"Eppy?"

Won-won was about to say something this time but before he could a small house elf wearing a pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem popped into the room.

"Yes, Master Harry, is you's needing something?"

Everyone turned to look at the new arrival. Harry knew this elf, she was the one who punished Benson for forcing the trade onto him by withholding food. The trade. Harry squeezed his eyes shut again and tried to forget.

"Um, who are you?"

"I's is being Eppy the house elf and I's is being Master Harry's house elf. Eppy is being a much better elf than that Kreacher thing that Master Harry owns," the elf explained.

"Okay," Herman said trying to take all that in. "When did Harry get you? I don't remember him owning anyone but Kreacher before he was sentenced to Azkaban."

"Oh that is being a long story involving Quantum physics, alternate realities and the restaurant at the end of the universe. It is being too much to explain now," the elf replied dismissively. "Is you's be needing something Master Harry?"

Harry shook his head in the negative and muttered, "Nap."

Instantly Eppy conjured a small blanket for him and put it in his lap as he sat in the overstuffed chair.

"No Harry, you can't sleep. You need to eat. Madame Pomfrey will go spare if you don't put something in your stomach soon. You know she knows all kinds of spells to force you to eat."

Harry shook his head again. He did not want to eat. He did not want to think about the trade he had been caught performing and he REALLY did not want to think about the greasy git who saw him doing it and was probably telling everyone in the world all about it as he sat there by the window trying to go back to his delusions.

"Who?" asked Harry trying to change the subject.

"Who do you mean?" Herman asked. Really didn't she keep up with the conversation?

"Wants to see me?"

Won-won rolled his eyes. "Well Ginny of course. You know your girlfriend?"

Girlfriend? He had a girlfriend? Now that was something Harry felt he should have remembered right off. Wait a minute; he did recall something about a red haired girl.

_Begin the wavy lines to indicate a flashback sequence_

"Harry!" screamed a girl from the doorway into the courtroom.

As the Dementors were pulling Harry from the court he turned his head and looked at the girl. She had tears streaming down her face and she looked like the most beautiful thing in the world to him.

"I'll always love you Harry!"

_Wavy lines again to indicate the end of the flashback sequence_

A smile came to Harry's lips. He had been loved. Maybe being in the real world wasn't so bad after all. Then he remembered the trade and squeezed his eyes shut again. Would she still love him after she learned about what he had done? Was he dirty to her now? Would she even want to see him again?

"Ginny," whispered Harry.

"That's it mate," Won-won said encouragingly. "You're beginning to remember her aren't you?"

Then Harry looked absolutely miserable.

"Harry? What's wrong?" asked Herman.

"Dirty. Shame."

"Oh Harry, she won't care about that. You weren't in there that long anyway," Herman said before she caught herself. She obviously hadn't meant to say that.

Opening his eyes, he looked at Herman and Won-won and asked again, "How long?"

"Well, um," stammered Won-won.

"Has you's not been telling him how long he's is being there?" Eppy asked.

"No," Harry said simply.

"Master Harry, you's is being in there for …"

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_Okay, any suggestions on how long Harry was in Azkaban?_


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

"Master Harry, you's is being in there for …" Eppy began but stopped short at catching the looks from Herman and Won-won.

"Yes," Harry said sitting up in the chair.

Eppy took a good hard look at Harry Potter and finished, "You's is being in Azkaban for twenty one days."

Harry's eyes became a large as saucers. He's only been in there for twenty one days? You couldn't even go through Betty Ford for anything less than twenty eight days. He was half insane; half starved and was delusional after only twenty one days of being in Azkaban? Well at least it wasn't one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds. Now that would have been ridiculous.

"Damn."

"Harry," Herman began tenderly. "It doesn't matter how long you were there, from what we heard the Dementors were very rough with you and time was not a constant for you."

"Twenty one days?" Harry said and then settled back into the plush chair. He had been reduced to that … that … _trade _in only twenty one days. That's only three weeks he realized. Three sodding weeks! That delusion is looking better and better all the time.

"Harry."

Harry didn't answer, but sat there thinking about how nice a shot of firewhiskey would be right about now. In fact to hell with the shot glass, just get the whole bottle.

"Harry."

This time when Herman failed to get an answer she looked over to Won-won for some idea as to what to do next. At least before Harry was responding to them, now he was just sitting there looking aimlessly out the window.

"Master Harry," Eppy started quietly. "I's is knowing what you's is being thinking and it isn't being as bad as that. Professor Dumbledore is not letting that greasy smelly man say anything and I's has taken care of that blonde haired nancy boy. He isn't being going to be saying anything to anyone unless he is being wanting those pictures Eppy is being taking of him sent to the papers."

Harry turned to look at the elf while Herman and Won-won said, "What pictures?"

Smirking, the elf revealed, "The ones Eppy is being taking of him hanging naked in the room of requirement." Then she held her hands to her face and started giggling like mad.

Harry smiled; well it was kind of like a smile. "Did you do to him what you did to Benson?"

"Maybe."

"Harry, who's Benson?" asked Herman. She was being nosey again.

Turning back to the window, Harry shivered but didn't answer. He didn't want to think about Benson right now. Harry didn't want to think about anything at all. Well maybe the ferret swinging around naked with things stuck up his…

"He's is being a bad wizard he is," interrupted Eppy.

"The dark lord Benson?" asked Won-won stupidly. Herman and Eppy must have thought the same about him as they looked at him that way. As if he were a complete idiot.

"Yes," Eppy said sarcastically. "He is being the dark lord Benson. But he is being moonlighting as a black American Muggle butler who is being working as the straight man to crazy white people." (1)

Harry snorted and Herman looked amused at the reference which, of course, left Won-won looking like an even bigger idiot, having never watched American Muggle situation comedies before. Really this man was a complete idiot when you truly sat down and thought it through. Why was Herman so wrapped up in him anyway for? Couldn't she find someone else with a brain maybe?

Eppy ignored the humans and went over to collect Harry's lunch tray. Bringing it over to him she said, "Now it is being time for you to be eating Master Harry."

"Not hungry."

"You's is being a liar Master Harry, but that is being okay with Eppy. You's is just needing a bit of resting and then you's is being all better. But…" here she paused for dramatic effect, "… you's is being eating so you's can be getting better or else you's is dealing with Eppy."

Harry gave her a withered glare. Eppy returned it with a shake of her head like a crack diva about to go on a Midol-hormone-bitch-rage. For a little green tinted elf, she could be a strong black woman when she wanted to be.

"Fine," Harry said as he grabbed a sandwich from the tray and stuck it in his mouth.

x-x-x-x-x

Sometime later after Harry had eaten some food and Herman and Won-won left him to rest, he was still sitting in the overstuffed chair conjured by the Headmaster looking out of the window.

"Harry."

Damn it! Didn't anyone understand that a man can't brood properly with all of these interruptions? There was an art to this and everyone just kept throwing his rhythm off.

"Harry," Professor Dumbledore said again. "I wanted to let you know that I had a long talk with Severus about what he discovered about your time in Azkaban. I have convinced him that it wouldn't be in anyone's best interest to let that bit of information become public knowledge."

"Eppy told me."

The Headmaster conjured another chair for him to sit in and asked, "Eppy?" He knew that he was going to be trying to figure out who this person was. He still had no idea who Susie was yet.

"Elf in the pink dress," Harry supplied willingly.

"Ah yes, the elf with the most interesting sense of humor," he said with his eyes twinkling merrily.

"Yeah, she said that you took care of Snape and she took care of the ferret."

"Ferret? By chance do you mean Mister Malfoy?"

Harry turned away from the windows and nodded to his former mentor.

"I thought he left the castle this morning," Dumbledore said with a look of confusion.

"Um, you'd better ask her about that to make sure. She said something about hanging him naked from the ceiling."

"I take it that it wasn't by his request that she did that to him."

Harry shrugged. "I doubt it."

"Well you never know with the Malfoy family. Once when Lucius was a student here he … well you may not be quite ready to hear about that little adventure yet. Needless to say, they have very peculiar ideas about what pleasure is all about and who should be involved."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut. Delusions were DEFINITELY better than reality!

"Where is … what was her name again?"

"Eppy."

"Yes," Dumbledore said making sure to remember that name for later use. "Where is she now?"

"I have no idea," Harry replied. "She said something about borrowing a geisha kimono from her brother before she popped away with my lunch tray."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review

_(1) This would be in reference to a sit-com called "Soap," where the butler was named Benson._


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

"Harry, dear, wake up."

Harry woke to discover that he had fallen asleep again and that Dumbledore was now gone. Harry opened his eyes and looked around and found a virtual sea of red headed people staring at him.

"Susie?"

Everyone looked at each other bewildered.

"No, Harry, it's me, Molly Weasley. I came by the other day to visit you. You do remember?"

Harry nodded that he did.

"Mate," Won-won said. "Is this Susie?" he asked pointing to his mother.

Harry nodded again and said "Susie."

Won-won of the twins snickered at their mother.

"It's a perfectly lovely name," she said sternly to her sons.

"Of course it is m'luv," said the older red headed man.

"Thank you Arthur, I knew you would understand," she said to her husband.

"Harry, mate, this isn't Susie, this is my mum, Molly."

"Mummy?" asked Harry. Susie was his mum after all. Harry knew she felt like one when he saw her the other day. Did she know about the trade? He didn't want his mummy to know about that.

"Yeah, that's it Harry," Won-won said. "This is my mum."

"Your mummy?" asked Harry and then looked sad. Susie wasn't his mummy. Where was his mummy? If Susie wasn't his mother, then who was his mother and where was she?

"Ron, you are as tactless as ever you know that," scolded the red haired girl who stepped up and stepped on Won-won's foot very hard.

"What did I do?"

"Harry dear," Susie said lovingly. "We want you to come home and stay with us."

Harry's eyes bugged out of his head. Susie wants to take him home. Then she helped him up out of his chair and continued, "Won't that be nice dear? To be at home with us?"

Harry nodded his head absently as they all walked over to the fireplace.

"Now all you have to do is take a little floo powder and then we'll be off."

Harry nodded in understanding.

"Fred, do be a dear and show Harry how to it in case he has forgotten."

"I'm not Fred he is," one twin said pointing to his other half.

"Honestly woman," the other twin said. "You call yourself our mother." Then both twins shook their heads pitifully.

"I'm so sorry George" Susie said. "You show Harry how to do it."

The twin walked over to the fireplace and grabbing a handful of floo powder turn to Susie and said, "I'm only joking, I am Fred," and before Susie could say anything stepped into the fireplace and throwing the powder down called out, **"THE BURROW!"**

"I swear one of these days I am going to tattoo your names on your foreheads," Susie said to the remaining twin, who promptly laughed at her. Then turning to Harry she asked, "Do you think you can do it dear?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah I remember doing it before."

"Alright then, go right ahead."

"I'm going home right?" asked Harry.

Smiling at her almost son, Susie said, "That's right dear. We're taking you home."

Squaring his shoulders, Harry walked over to the fireplace and took a handful of powder and stepped into the fireplace and said clearly, **"AZKABAN!"** Then in a swoosh of soot he disappeared.

The remaining Weasleys all looked at each other.

"Bloody hell," cursed Won-won. "Here we go again."

**The End! **

Please review; you know how much Eppy likes it when you do!


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